Raising Fathers

Early on Sunday morning, Itzik (8) comes upstairs
to spend some time with his little brother Moshe (2 mo).

When I was ten years old my younger brothers, who are twins, were born. It wasn't long after their birth that part of the responsibilities of us older siblings included changing their diapers, which were the cloth type, and feeding them. On occasion we bathed them and sometimes we could pick out what outfit they were going to wear for the day. We took pride in taking care of our little brothers and made sure to do the best job that we could. Almost twenty years later at the birth of our first child this knowledge came in handy. Because of the circumstances of the birth Margaret spent the first three days of our daughter's life recovering. During this time I had to care for our infant baby by myself. I had no problem taking on this important task because I had past experience in this area. Although I was confident about my skills, I probably did not do the same 'quality' job that Margaret would have; but the nurses did compliment me on my eagerness and effort to own this responsibility.

One of the benefits of having more than just two children* are the opportunities that become available for all the children to learn from. For instance, their skills grow in the area of socialization because they are forced to interact with and relate to a variety of ages—younger and older. Since the birth of our sixth child, all five of the older children have been eager to help out with little Moses. Not all of them are allowed to care for him unless Margaret and I are around; but we do find age appropriate areas for each of them to participate in. Their eagerness to be involved in the life of their baby brother blesses me. I wonder if this is the same experience that other families have had. I can't help but sometimes notice the apathy toward little children by the youth who did not grow up with younger siblings, cousins, nephews, or nieces. It is especially alarming when a young girl is completely uninterested in an infant baby. But I do, however, find it a special blessing when a young boy acknowledges and comments on a little baby.

As we raise our boys to be men, we need to keep in mind that we are also raising them to be husbands who will hopefully become fathers. Some have said that there is a 'fathering instinct' within men that kicks in when a baby is born. I don't buy this concept. I've seen men who refuse to change their own children's diaper, who will not bathe their children, who will not cook for their children, and who will not be in their child's life at all. What happened to the instinct in them? I'm not saying that fathers should be the ones who primarily take care of the little ones, but fathers do need to participate in the care of their children. I believe being a father must to be taught and demonstrated to boys by their own fathers and the men in their community. Guys, let's step it up and be the fathers we are called to be. Let's show our boys how to be fathers.

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*In my opinion, a family of 8 (i.e., 6 children, like ours) is NOT a 'large' family. In today's society, however, families with more than 2 children are considered 'large'. That's too bad. In fact, "in 1800, the typical American woman had seven to ten children" says historian Steven Mintz. "But by the latter part of the 20th century — and as women became a growing presence in the workplace — two was the desired number." The value of children declined when the pursuit of material wealth increased.


Related Article:
Does size matter? For today's families it does
By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY 05/06/2011



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