 |
| The grass is always greener on the other side. But maybe it's because the other side was fertilized with harmful herbicides and pesticides. Be careful! |
In our Torah passage last week we read about Reuben and Gad asking to stay in the wilderness instead of joining the rest of the tribes of Israel in crossing the Jordan River and entering the Promised Land. The tribes fo Reuben and Gad had acquired an exceedingly large amount of livestock, presumably after the destruction of Midian. But on their way into the Promised Land they noticed that the land on the east side of the Jordan River was good for livestock—their livestock. So they petition Moses and request that they stay there, east of the Jordan, and forfeit their inheritance in the Promised Land.
Moses takes issue with this petition. He equates their appeal with the actions of the 10 spies, their forefathers, who lost faith in God and spread fear throughout the community. This sin is what kept them in the wilderness for 40 years to begin with and they are potentially going to take the people through the same thing. If they do, Moses lets them know that it will be on their heads. By desiring to stay in the wilderness they will cause the people to lose hope in their mission and faith in their God. This was not a light matter.
Moses knew that these unexpected, selfish actions would cause some to doubt the purpose of their hard work. It would cause them to second guess their mission and ultimately lead them down the path of disobedience and away from God. Imagine going through 40 years of wilderness-living with these folks—working toward the same goal, going through the same hardship experiences—and then once you arrive at your final destination, the goal of your 40 year trek, they bail on you. It would be incredibly discouraging.
The same can be said about churches today—when the going gets tough, the selfish get up and go. This is because in most churches today multigenerational faith is not preached. As a result, some families find themselves hopping from church to church in search for the ever-elusive 'perfect community.' Once they think they've found it, they settle down for a few months, maybe a year, until they find some imperfections with their new church family. When the opportunity comes, they decide that these imperfections are enough reason for them to leave. They feel that their departure is justified and they move on to next temporary commitment. The sad reality of this scenario is that the children have been carefully watching all along. The children of the families that stay in the church and, more importantly, the children of the family that leaves and moves from church to church. This experience will have a negative impact on their ability to commit to a community of faith when they are adults. It may even cause them to struggle with their relationship with God.
On the other hand, a multigenerational faith understands that, when committing to a community, the good times come with the bad. There are ebbs and there are flows. There are times of growth and times of drought. There are highs and lows. A multigenerational faith will model for their children a long term commitment to their community. Several years ago when we left our previous church that we had attended for nine years, it was tough on our children. They were devastated. It wasn't until after this event that I began to understand what it means to live multigenerationally. So now, we've committed to this community, Front Range, for life—God willing that is. I want my children to understand that long term commitments are good, like marriage.
The high divorce rate in our society is an indication that long term commitments are not valued. Marriage is no longer a commitment that lasts 'until death do us part' but 'until I get tired of being married to you.' We've become a selfish, self-centered society and when things don't go our way, we have no problem leaving. Many people today hop from job to job, house to house, school to school, church to church. etc... As a society we seem to be loosing the concept and value of long term commitments. Is it because they take work, sometimes hard work and even self sacrifice? It's much easier to leave when the going gets tough.
Although the grass may be greener on the other side, what else is on that other side? In Joshua 22 we read that Reuben and Gad realized that their children were going to pay the consequences for their decision to live outside the Promised Land. Their selfish decision took them outside of the safety of community and into the wilderness. Because they were self-centered, they put their own desires before the welfare of the children, before their commitment to their community and before their obedience to their God.
Remember, it's the children that suffer the consequences for our selfish decisions. So, when committing to a community of faith, consider trying extra-hard to stick it out during the bad times. Commit to a community for the long haul. It will only cause you to grow and it will benefit your children, God's next generation.
Related Passages:
Torah: Numbers 32:1-42
Haftarah: Joshua 22:7-9
Apostolic Scriptures: Hebrews 10:26-31
~
7 comments:
Reuben and Gad also went ahead with thier brothers to help them fight for their inheritance. They did not just abandon them. When people leave a community it can be for many reasons. If the leadership is harmful, or issues are never dealt with, etc...
Children also watch their parents handle conflict or refuse to confront issues as they come.
Reuben and Gad went ahead after Moses spoke to them. Going before their brothers in conquering the Land was not part of their initial plan or intentions.
I agree, there are some valid reasons to leave a church community, but church hopping is never a good practice. You can't grow fruits if you don't plant roots.
Yes, children watch their parents handle conflict or run from it. Staying in a community to deal with conflict is not a bad thing. We are called to strive for unity which can include conflict resolution.
if conflict resolution is an option, not covering or hiding the faults of the leadership, we all have faults and everyone is accountable to God.
I agree that chronic church-hopping is not good.
God was calling Reuben and Gad to enter the promised land and they were disobedient when they chose not to.
If God is calling a family to leave a particular church and they stay instead is it not also disobedience?
How can we tell if a family is being obedient or disobedient when they leave a church?
I believe the damage comes from how someone leaves a church. For those left behind -- especially the children -- there is a loss experienced that is much like a death. While it may sometimes be God's will for a family to move to a new community, when it is done in a way that causes wounding and hurt, everyone suffers and the damage can never be undone no matter how much time passes. The best that can happen is for the ones who have the power to bring reconciliation to pursue it with courage and humility -- for the sake of the children and the community alike.
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Messiah and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
If God is calling a family to leave a particular church and they stay instead is it not also disobedience?
If God commands someone to do something then they should do it – no questions asked. When God commands an entire family to do something, it is the parents’ responsibility, namely the father, to make sure that the entire family responds properly
So, if God has commanded a father (or a single mother) to leave a church with his or her family, then he or she should obey Him.
Is commanded by God the same as being called by God? I see the commandments as the Torah, the written Word that cannot be added to. In Paul’s epistles being called by God usually means to be chosen, gathered or invited. But in I think that in our modern day Christian-lingo being called by God means that someone is chosen and charged by God to do something for Him on a long term or short term basis. So, when someone says they are called to leave a church, ‘leaving the church’ is not the call on that person’s life; ‘the work that God is leading them to’ is the call. If someone says that they are leaving a church but have no idea where God is sending them, then they probably do not have a complete understanding of the call that God has for them. I can understand someone being called out of a church because there is another place for them to go and serve, but to be called out to go nowhere is questionable—especially when there are many other churches nearby.
So, if a father (or a single mother) is called to leave a church, he or she should have an understanding of where he or she is called to next and for what.
The interesting thing about this scenario is when someone says that he or she is called by God to do this or that, no one can dispute this claim because, usually, God has spoken to this individual directly and no one else. Of course others can confirm this claim through prayer, but in many cases it’s not confirmed. Being called by God is an irrefutable position to be in because who wants to come against the will of God? No one is going to challenge the call of God on someone’s life and I think the people who use this tactic know this. Being called to leave a church is much easier than just leaving. But, do we have to be called in order to leave a church or can we make this decision on our own? I do not believe that a calling by God is not required to leave a church. It is a decision we can make using discernment and judgment being led by the Spirit.
But what happens when things don’t work out at the new church that this person was called to? Is this an indication of their obedience?
How can we tell if a family is being obedient or disobedient when they leave a church?
First, I’d like to point out that the responsibility of leaving a church is the parents, namely the father. This is an important part of this whole process.
I agree with Emunah. The way in which the father (or the single mother) leads his or her family out of a church is a good indication of whether they have left obediently or not. No matter the circumstances, a church should be left as Biblically and respectfully as possible in order to be good models and examples to everyone watching. Especially if God is calling a father to leave the church, then his departure should reflect this fact and God should be glorified in the process.
In summary, we don’t have to be called by God to leave a church. We can make this decision on our own by using discernment and our own judgment while being led by the Spirit. The way in which a father leads his family out of a church and the fruit he bears in his new church home can be indications of his obedience.
I get the feeling that church hopping is probably a new phenomenon. I mean, I can’t imagine First Century Believers in Ephesus being called by God to leave the Church in Ephesus. There would be nowhere for them to go. I think the advent of American marketing, modern conveniences like automobiles and 1000+ Christian Denominations have contributed to this idea.
Thanks for the comments.
GotQuestions.org has a great, short article on this:
When is it right to leave a church?
Also, 9Marks posted a related blog entry last week:
Your Church and Your Life Planning
Post a Comment